"Everybody lies!" a court worker told me once, when I had a problem with a former client, who came to court armed with a laundry list of unreasonable complaints, mistruths and outright lies. I had complained that the person was telling bald-faced lies that stretched the boundaries of belief. The court-appointed arbitrator told me they assumed "Everyone lies" and made their determinations accordingly. I knew this from my own experiences when my former wife filed for divorce and hammered me with the assistance of her attorney, with a long list of complaints, mistakes and, yes, lies. She had disappeared with our kids, all the money in every bank account, and everything from the house that wasn't actually bolted down (and some that were). I was in shock and hardly able to respond, especially to the more egregious lies, and I was far more concerned about the welfare of my children than anything else.
The judge granted her requests, one after the other, except for the one about restricting me to "supervised" contact with the kids. There was no evidence of any problems other than her desire to "do her own thing" regardless of any effect on them, but California is a "no-fault" state and anyone can get a divorce for any reason, and the other party does not have to agree; they have no say in it at all, in fact.
The irony of the entire mess, after all was said and done, was that she became involved (may have been almost from the start, as it turns out) with a real animal, a registered sex offender (PC 270, against children), a suspected murderer (the ONLY suspect), subjecting the children and me to a 5+ year nightmare, during which he threatened to kill me (she said he "only wanted to fight you"--a violation of his parole) and she was barred from contact with the kids without supervision (she complied with this by not seeing the kids for nearly 6 months).
During the period of her involvement with this animal, we had to return to court numerous times, because she would not abide by the rules. Each time, she came dressed to the nines, short skirts, low-cut tops, unbuttoned, etc. One judge (a "commissioner") ate it up and treated me like I was the miscreant, not her. He had done that all day, with one woman after another, leering at them from the bench, to the obvious discomfort of the court personnel.
Another judge seemed to buy her story whole-cloth, until I kept standing my ground and insisting he consult with Family Court Services. He even told me at one point, "Family Court Services job is to make recommendations, mine is to make rulings!" I could see her smirking as he looked at me to say this, but when he looked back to her, she wiped the look off her face, and gave him a sweet smile. I responded that it was important and I felt sure if he would, he would understand the problem better. Finally, when I mentioned we had been going back and forth with this same problem, her not following the court's instructions, and treating my concerns as if they were just to "get back at her" he left the bench to see the FCS agent.
When he came back, nearly twenty minutes later, he walked straight to the bench, sat down and began a lengthy lecture to her, beginning, "Young lady, it seems a lot of people are telling you the same thing, and you don't seem to be listening at all. . ." I was stunned, because this was the first time any judge had actually spoken to her of the consequences if she were to be returned to court on the same issue. We didn't have any further problems, and after she had a child with the guy who was the real problem, suddenly she didn't want him around her at all, and took off in the dead of night.
It's a difficult job to pick out the truth when "Everybody lies!" It's a job I wouldn't care to have, personally, and the relatively brief period I was subjected to the process was more than enough for me. However, the people who work at the court have to go through this, day after day, month after month, year after year, a sad litany of the troubles people can get themselves wrapped up in, without regard for who it hurts, or what the consequences might be.
If the court acted harshly with everyone, the outcry would be just as strident as it is, for this judge to have erred on the side of compassion for the father, however misguided it may have been. Both sides are at fault, as is the legal profession itself, whose philosophy seems to be throw everything at the other side, because "some of it will stick!" All the lawyers care about, for the most part, is collecting the fees, with as little time spent doing it as possible. With that kind of thinking, is it any surprise someone might come out thinking they haven't a chance?
I cannot condone anyone harming a child, for any reason, especially to "get back" at the other parent, but there were probably other issues at work, of which the rest of us will never know. The mother has another child, by a different father, something now common, but unheard of as recently as 40 years ago.
Our values have slipped, some say disappeared, but today, people get divorced as the first option, not the last. It takes a lot of effort to stay married, work each partner has to invest. It takes a couple thousand dollars and a fistful of lies to get divorced, even if the other party is only guilty of working too hard. Perhaps, if people waited to have children, until they are sure this is the person they want to spend a lifetime with, and then married that person, with the intention of staying married, then maybe they would put the effort into making sure that person was someone they really wanted to be with, who had the values they wanted in a partner.
I know, what an "old-fashioned" viewpoint. It worked for my parents, married 61 years, before my dad died, last year. It still works, but it is WORK. There is NO shortcut, and the courts are ONLY human, staffed NOT by Solomon, but by ordinary human beings, like you or me. It is too much to expect them to get EVERY ruling, exactly right, when "Everybody lies!"
