With A Little Help

A   L i t t l e   H e l p   F r o m  

M y    F r i e n d s . . .

You know me well, oh so well, you think. I was in the corner with L______, the first time you remember seeing me, and you wondered what she was doing with me. Later, after L______ had moved on and left me in the wake of her destruction, just another piece of flotsam left to wash up on the shore, you saw me with K______, and wondered, what does she see in him, he being me, of course. K_______ left like L______, another storm passing, leaving jetsam behind where once you thought was an otherwise unremarkable landscape. Next was M______, whom you believed to be a force of nature in her own right and there she was, lingering over my every word and glance, offering up her flawless cheeks and lips to frequent caresses by my own, to your utter mystification. She, too, like her sisters in spirit, departed in a flurry of sea squalls and blowing winds, leaving a trail of wreckage that dwarfed her predecessors by an impressive factor.

You didn’t see me afterward and, naturally enough, I didn’t cross your mind in the least, not even enough for you to note my absence or remark on who I wasn’t with this time. When next you did take notice, and I was in the company of an attractive someone you did not even know, what occurred to you on that occasion ran more to “how does he get so many otherwise interesting and intelligent women to go out with him?” It must have galled like a tiny pebble in a tight shoe, to see me blissfully unaware of your animosity and ill-will. Of course that wasn't to last, either, if you had anything to say about it, and you always did, unbeknownst to me.

Time has its way with us all, though, dealing the cards we must play, calling a new hand and dealing out jokers with aces, deuces with jacks, in an unending display of possibilities, as we wait patiently for the wheel to make its way around again. Sitting idly by, it occurs to me that some of you have had three or more marriages, none of them happier for longer than it took to wear the new off the wedding presents. Could it be jealousy that so drives you, rather than any concern for the ladies in question? They certainly proved more than equal to the task of trashing my emotions upon their departures, although I shortly picked myself up, dusted myself off, and got on with my life.

When in the dark of night, alone, I think of one, or another, wondering what it would have been like to have a history longer than a TV sitcom. I know it to be a waste of time, for didn't you, my friends, do your best to make sure nothing of the sort would happen? You couldn't see the lady in question wasting her life with so unworthy a match as I might prove to be. This is why you made certain each knew of any indiscretion, in lurid detail, never concerning yourself with such trivial matters as truth or reality. Imagine my surprise to find I had such good friends, who spared no effort to ensure my unhappiness. I only wish there were some way to repay the unkindness, to let you feel what it is like to have such friends as I.

How is it I have been so fortunate at to have such diligent friends, so intent on ensuring my unhappiness and lack of stimulating companionship? People who have gone miles out of their way to assure themselves of my singularity and solitude, without asking any other reward. Is it any wonder I do not trust much or well, and do not care if someone likes or dislikes me? It has often been cited, by those who have infringed on my personal life, as the reason, the fact that I do not seem to care if I am liked or not. I see it as a defense mechanism, they see it as a red flag. Who knows which is right, although I still fail to see the rationale that makes it OK, but then Ihave always been myopic that way, when it comes to my own comfort and happiness. Call me crazy.....

 

Don't ask me where this came from. We were sitting down to dinner one evening, and the waitress mentioned it might be a few minutes before she could get back to us, so I turned over the placemat and started writing. I wrote out almost the entire thing before the food came to distract my attention. Not necessarily autobiographical, but I have had "friends" who have gone out of their way to "protect" various young ladies whom I had romantic feelings for....